No Business Like Show Business

Hoowhee! It has been a while, my friends, it has been a WHILE. Terribly sorry, but I was busy flexing my well-honed theatre muscles in order to put on a production of great eminence and renown. Not many people have the opportunity to make use of the theatre skills they acquired throughout high school and college just six months after graduation, but I am one of the lucky few. 

I am, of course, referring to the annual Hanyang Oregon Preschool Concert. 

What? You've never heard of it? Have you been living in hole?? Well, let me give you an overview.

A little over two weeks ago, Angela and I were informed that we would be taking part in the yearly concert put on by the kindergarten (I am coming to realize that the terms "kindergarten" and "preschool" are interchangeable here). Apparently, they had been rehearsing for said concert for over two months, but, as per usual, no one thought it was necessary to mention this to us until it was time for us to join the rehearsal process. 

So, for two weeks, Angela and I forwent our usual kindergarten teaching duties in order to take part in what would become one of the most curious amalgamations of performances that I have ever witnessed. 

There are four kindergarten classes in all, each named after the international symbol of children: fruit. Cherry class, Apple class, Kiwi class, and Papaya class each had the daunting task of performing at least one song and dance number as well as a skit of some sort. The kicker: all, all of it had to be in English. 

Now, I adore my kindergarten students, but most of them cannot manage to string together words from their English vocabularies in order form a complete sentence. If they do have this skill, it becomes a challenging game of "Guess Which Word the Child Just Tried to Pronounce." Suffice it to say, I was a bit skeptical as to whether they would be able to remember entire scripts in a foreign language. 

Never underestimate the abilities of small children. 

The day of the performance, we traveled to a real, honest-to-God theatre near Hanyang Oregon (up to this point I had been under the impression that the concert would take place at the school). I practically began drooling at the sight of lighting instruments, a fly system, the booth, and a proscenium. I began running around like an inmate just released on parole, racing up the old, metal spiral staircase to luxuriate in the catwalks and stroking the curtains like they were long lost childhood possessions. I've missed theatre just a bit since I arrived in Korea. 

As I lapped up the atmosphere of the theatre, a crew of men arrived and began defacing it with the most flamboyant, garish set ever conceived by man or beast. I do hope no one takes offense when I say this, but the best way to describe the stage by the time they were finished with it is as a set for a gay pride parade for children. 

The set designer seemed to think that "rainbow" was an apt color scheme for the production, as everything from the footlights to the castle backdrop to the inexplicable giant inflatable mushrooms looked like they were painted by ROY G. BIV himself. 

Check it out. I took this photo before the actual performance, during the pre-show run-through, so you don't get the full effect of the costumes, but you get the idea. This is a shot of Apple class rehearsing "I Have a Dream." No relation to the speech by Martin Luther King, Jr. 

The costumes added a whole new, Liberace-like effect to the production. As the children arrived, the air tingled and quivered with the kind of excitement that can only precede a theatrical production. I hadn't had a chance to see the costumes before they climbed into them, but once they did, the dressing room was transformed into a dwelling of creatures that resembled cartoon characters. And what costumes they were!                                                                                            

Here you see Dorothy and Julia prepping 

for Papaya's dance number, "The Twist," and Jenny all decked out in her baby chick outfit for Cherry's rendition of "Are you My Mommy?" 

Below you can observe the brides and grooms preparing for the Apple wedding ceremony. 

And, of course, Kiwi class in their . . . cheerleader . . .? outfits getting ready for the "Hey Mickey" cheer dance. 

Despite the fact that the set had no relation whatsoever to the performance itself, and that the costumes only occasionally matched the song or skit my students were trying to enact, the whole thing turned out to be a wonderfully exuberant, vaudevillian production. What exactly the teachers who came up with the concept for the show intended by combining a children's wedding ceremony, an imitation of a Korean soldier television show, and a retelling of a Korean folk tale with a 50's-like sock-hop dance, cheerleading, and a Taekwondo demonstration (among other things) is unclear, but it was marvelously entertaining. 

I was the MC for the first half of the show, and later got to show off my acting chops by playing my student's girlfriend (don't ask, absolutely mystifying) and then running onstage as an ogre/goblin who emerges from a pumpkin in order to punish the selfish Nolbu of Korean folk fame. Yes indeedy. 

The kids were very pleased with themselves, and, as I could see from their delighted expressions in the audience, so were their parents. Strange as it may seem, I felt a bit like a proud parent myself, watching my three to six-year-old students pull off a full length production like little virtuosos. 

Now that the production is over, it seems a shame to go back to teaching them as I did before. After seeing them sing and dance with such gusto, how can I honorably return to shouting English letters at them as they jabber in Korean, color their desks, and pick their noses? 

The only solution is to begin covertly teaching them another production behind the backs of the Korean kindergarten teachers. Next stop: Korean equivalent of Broadway with "Fiddler on the Roof." 

I think they can handle it.